


Brows and Alfie Hero Adventure: Gilbird's Tavern Games

by 50NoriStars



Series: Star Hero Post [11]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:40:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29592258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50NoriStars/pseuds/50NoriStars
Summary: Newly adopted and newly arrived to Star Hero Post Brows, (cat England), is overwhelmed by family life and snowy Alaska until a run in with Gilbird at the town tavern brings out his inner pub cat.
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia)
Series: Star Hero Post [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1470365
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Star Hero Post Cabin  
Stars and Bars, Alaska

Yet another chaotic family morning in the American nutter's Alaskan cabin, in the American nutter's Alaskan wilderness post, with horrid snow falling outside. Horrid, horrid snow. 

How Brows hated snow, and the traumatic memory of being abandoned in a snowstorm as a kitten it evoked. Yet his dog brother Alfie Hero never ceased to be amazed by snow. In fact each morning he barked at, burrowed in, and rolled in snow as if experiencing it for the first time. 

"Big brother cat!" Jump. "Get out here and whack snow for me!" Jump. Alfie Hero jumped and barked happily at the window Brows stared glumly out of. 

Ah, family. Brows groused as he undid the window latch and slipped outside. He whacked snow off the sill for Alfie Hero to pounce on, but soon that dog went back to burrowing while Brows returned inside to lick his paws. 

Ah, to be an autonomous pub cat again without family demands. Brows thought, and bristled slightly when Arthur joined him on the couch seeking companionship. Brows settling on Arthur's lap was hardly a hardship, for Arthur was his favorite human after all. But then Arthur's American nutter boyfriend flopped onto the couch as well, with a fast food box full of breakfast tacos and a big gulp container of orange juice. 

Lord! Was there ever such a nutter, and a nutter so rude and off putting. Brows thought as Alfred noshed taco after taco in between loud slurps of orange juice. But then as if that wasn't horrid enough, the nutter suddenly slurped his drink wrong and sprayed juice all over Brows and Arthur.

"Alfred, luv!" Arthur jumped up to pat the coughing nutter's back, causing Brows to fall. And though Brows easily righted himself to land safely, he couldn't help but feel shaken by the incident.

Right, I'm off again. He thought as he ran out Alfie Hero's dog door, through falling snow as horrid as his new family life was chaotic, to his secret place complete with a secret human.

The post's airplane hangar was blissfully quiet as always, as was Mathew who offered to share a Tim Horton's sandwich with him. However Brows chose Matthew's lap for comfort over food, which he pounced on needily and burrowed under Matthew's oversized maple leaf sweatshirt to hide.

"Alfred sprayed his drink again, eh?" Mathew consoled as he petted Brows over the sweatshirt. "He always eats and drinks too fast, because his appetite is huge. But his heart is huge too, don'tcha know? And I'm sure he didn't mean to spray you, eh?" 

Brows knew Matthew was correct. After all, Alfred had been quick to rescue him not only from a high signpost once, but from a nefarious duke who'd once owned and abandoned him. Still, getting used to snowy Alaska and family life, especially with Alfred, was proving far more difficult than Brows could ever have imagined. He only hoped something would happen soon to make him feel more comfortable in his new home, no matter how strange…

Axis Health Clinic  
Stars and Bars, Alaska 

Two hours later, Brows looked at stern eyed doctor Luddy. Luddy looked back at him. On the desktop between them was the cat medicine and cat coat Arthur had left when he'd begged Luddy to take Brows to the tavern across the street for his 'elevenses tea and med,' or so Arthur had called it. Rightly Arthur had asked this the moment he'd caught sight of Dr. Kiku Honda's high tech, virtual reality balance training set up through Luddy's office window. "Lord love me, am I in for it." He'd gawked, then resigned himself to a multi hour physical therapy session at the same time he resigned Brows to Luddy's care. 

That was at ten am, now it was five to eleven. Luddy frowned at his watch then grunted to Brows. "Jawohl, we go." With one large, soap smelling hand the German doctor swept Brows off the desktop and into his lab coat pocket, then headed past the tiny reception desk and lobby filled with Feli's snores and outside onto Stars and Bars' tiny main street flanked by rustic buildings. 

They didn't walk far before the sound of fluttering filled Brows' ears and a yellow bird he'd first met in London arrived to fly around Luddy's head. "Most awesome me will get warm in most awesome Luddy's pocket. Das ist most awesome plan." Gilbird flew down to the pocket and perched on the edge upon finding it occupied. "Was? The cat from London ist dier?" 

"Afraid so, Gilbird. Cold ears and all. Though the rest of me feels rather sorted." Brows relished the pocket's warm quilt lining.

"Das is mein warming pocket!" 

"Well that is hardly the case today, for as you see Luddy has seen fit to place me in it." 

"Mein pocket! Mein pocket! Und mein suet treat."

"Ah, is that what got crushed when I was placed in here? A suet treat? Much apologies." 

"Du hast crushed mein treat? I will crush you!" Gilbird screeched, but Brows was hardly threatened.

"Crush me, how? And I should think a daft bird such as yourself is hardly deserving of a treat." 

"Awesome me earns treats all die times!" 

"Is that so. I should like to see it."

"You will see at der tavern, no treats earning loser!" Gilbird cackled, then flew ahead into the rambling ranch building Luddy and Brows soon arrived at as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Stars and Bars Tavern  
Stars and Bars, Alaska

"Luddy!" Adoring patrons cheered Luddy's entrance loud enough to shake the timber walls and rafter beams Brows took in at a glance. So this is the town local. He thought, struck by its massive size and its jovial crowd of humans dressed in denim trousers and flannel shirts. Their work calloused hands patted Luddy's back as he passed. Some patted Brows' cream head as well. 

"Alfie Hero's London cat friend."

"'Bout time you got here."

"Class this place up." 

Rather welcoming, that. Brows thought, charmed, as Luddy continued his way to the bar. But no sooner did Luddy pull up a stool and order tea to put Brows' medication in...

"Ha ha ha! Maple bars Canadia-ans!" Alfred was at the far end of the bar taunting lumberjacks crammed altogether in a narrow section behind a border of peanut shells. "You still gotta stay behind that line, huh?"

"That line's the Canadian border, hoser. And our town's name is Maplestar."

"Huh?" Alfred cocked his blonde head as he noshed on a plate piled high with desserts. "Maplestar? That's lame!"

"Calling our town 'maple bars' is what's lame and insulting, eh?" 

"Nah it isn't. Cause maple bars rock! 'S why I'm eating ten of em." 

"Mmmmmmmmmf." Luddy groaned a long groan in annoyance to make Brows curious. Then once Brows had finished his tea Luddy put him back in his pocket and strode purposely to Alfred. 

"Dummkopf lecture time! Dummkopf lecture time!" Patrons cheered, and Luddy didn't disappoint. 

"Alfred, dummkopf!" He lectured. "Kein blood sugar levels are katastrophe! Stop mit the maple bars und all desserts." 

Alfred just laughed. "Ha ha ha, Luddy. Like I ever will! And Brows, dude." He patted Brows apologetically. "Sorry I choked and sprayed my drink on you earlier."

"Du choked, Alfred? Choked?" Luddy thundered. 

"Hey, no worries. I choke all the time these days!"

"All die times, dummkopf? Scheisse!" Luddy grabbed him to shine a pen light down his throat. 

Oof! Burger and dessert smell. Brows thought and crinkled up his pink nose. Patrons however high fived delightedly at the exchange, especially the lumberjacks behind the peanut shells.

"Hoser Alfred. You're gonna earn Luddy free beer!" They mocked, and told the crowd. "Two dummkopfs already. Only one more to go."

The bar got quiet then, waiting gleefully. Then at last Luddy finished his exam and bellowed. "Dummkopf Alfred! Kein katastrophe eating hast swollen throat!"

That did it. The bar erupted in whoops and boot stomps. "Free drink for Luddy! Free drink for Luddy, dummkopf size!"

Heh heh. Quite so. Brows agreed, whereas Luddy refused. 

"Nein, I'm working." He said.

The crowd would not be deterred, however. Particularly a wild eyed, white haired man who jumped on a table swinging a beer stein. "Bier, Brohas. Bier! Gilbird will pour!" 

"Gillllllbirrrrrd!" The crowd sang out, and Gilbird swooped into sight, landing hard on a tap handle to pour Luddy's beer. 

Call that a pour? Rather clumsy, that. Brows thought. Still the crowd cheered; "Treats for Gilbird!" And a shot glass filled with birdseed was quickly produced. 

Ah, I see. That's what the daft bird meant by earning treats. Brows thought, then twitched his pink ears when Luddy still refused to drink to make the white haired man cackle. "Brohas, Gilbird poured das bier. Drink!" 

Drink a clumsily poured beer? I should think an overworked human such as Luddy deserves a proper pint. Brows thought. Yes, a proper pint poured just so. He decided, and lithely extricated himself out from Luddy's pocket to do just that. 

"Hey Brows buddy, where ya going?" Alfred called after him. 

"The Brit cat's looking for more tea, eh?" The lumberjacks guessed. 

"Nein, he's headed for the taps." Luddy said, as Brows gracefully slalomed around an extensive array of taps until he found a Foster's handle. I'll pour ale, and pour it properly too. Brows thought as a barman arrived to hold a glass under the tap the same as for Gilbird.

Hold it properly, American. He thought and pawed at the glass until the barman held it around the tap's swan neck high enough that the nozzle touched the bottom. 

"Whoa! Brit cat's bossy." The crowd observed, then encouraged. "Go Brit cat! Show the handle who's boss now."

Brows did just that, by wrapping his forelegs around the tap handle to pour two firm pours of ale into the glass. The crowd burst into applause at that alone, but Brows was hardly finished. 

Now for the best bit. He thought, and released the handle to paw at the glass until the barman lowered it so the rim was held just below the nozzle. Then Brows gently employed the tap handle to ease off on the last pour, until a tight creamy head formed on the rim of the glass and the drink was finished.

"What? Whoa!" The patrons exclaimed and called out. "That's some fancy British pub shit right there!" 

Applause rang out for a second then a third time, when the drink was served to Luddy on a coaster Brows laid down himself with his teeth. 

"Rock out, Brows! Luddy, you gotta drink that." Alfred hooted. 

"Jawohl, das ist wunderbar." Luddy agreed. He reached for it, but stopped short when a loud clunking noise sounded from the other end of the bar to make everyone look. 

CLUNK. Gilbird had loudly kicked a shot glass filled with salmon chunks over. Now he loudly kicked it a second time.

"I say, was that my treat?" Brows asked.

"Nein! You are no treats earning loser." Gilbird cackled.

"That was my treat. I dare say." 

"Nein. You do not deserve das treat."

"I most assuredly did deserve that treat, beer bungler." 

"I am no beer bungler. I pour awesome! Ze most awesome!" 

"Hardly so, as Luddy preferred my drink. 

"Das ist war talk. War! Krieg!"

"Krieg indeed! How shall we go about it?" 

"I show you while I crush you. Kesesesese." The bird cackled, kicked Brows' treat completely off the counter, then flew off to land on the beer stein still being waved about by the wild eyed, white haired man.


	3. Chapter 3

Stars and Bars Tavern  
Stars and Bars, Alaska 

"Gilbird games. Gilbird games." Patrons stomped work boots and banged tables in time to the chant. Moments before, Gilbird and his human had walked to a rustic, free standing dart board. Brows had followed. Now he sharpened his claws on top of the structure as Alfred rushed over, pumping his fists. 

"Hey yo, Brows. I'm totally gonna win this for you, like a hero!" He hooted.

"Hey yo, Alfred." The lumberjacks he'd insulted before called out to him from behind their peanut shells border. "Brit cat didn't pick you, hoser."

"Wha..?" Alfred cocked his blonde head. 

"Brit cat gets to choose. That the rules, eh?"

Ah, I see. Brows thought, and processed that information. So I won't be forced to compete with burger smells and rude nutter behavior? Brilliant.

His cat eyes scanned the room from his high perch, and hit on Luddy for a moment. But that overworked doctor seemed to be relaxing for the first time since Brows had met him, greatly enjoying his perfect pint. Just so. Brows decided, loath to interrupt. I shall simply find another human. He thought, and scanned the room some more. Then it happened. 

_Creak. _The saloon doors that were meant to swing open dramatically merely creaked open a crack for shy Matthew to slip inside.__

__"Mrrrow!" Brows pounced from the dart board to a rafter beam which he ran along until he reached Mathew and jumped on his shoulder._ _

__"Hey, Brows. How're ya now?" Matthew greeted, and reached up to pet him as Brows purred his long hair squiggle. Next he addressed the stunned crowd. "So when's the Gilbird games, eh?"_ _

__

__Axis Health Clinic  
Dr. Kiku Honda's Office. _ _

__

__Dr. Honda's face remained impassive as he read Luddy's text, but his heart raced with excitement. A cat competing in the Gilbird games? How he loved cats, and longed to see one compete. Unfortunately, his bumbling physical therapy patient had yet to complete even the first level of a virtual reality game._ _

__"Useless git hands. Move this way ball wankers." Arthur huffed as he attempted to balance on a virtual reality plank while swiping at balls._ _

__"Er… Arthur, we stop. Need rest now." Kiku couldn't unplug and unhook him from the game fast enough._ _

__"Wot, now?" Arthur removed the headset to ask, then both jolted when Feli's snores down the hall were replaced by cooing outbursts._ _

__"Aw, cat pooky? Gilbird games? I watch and eat...Pastaaaaa!" His final outburst nearly drowned out his running footfalls and the clinic door slamming behind him._ _

__"I take it there's a Gilbird Games afoot?" Arthur inquired of Kiku, but received only a polite bow for reply._ _

__

__Gilbird's Whackaway Dart Game  
Stars and Bars Tavern _ _

__From across the room, Brows noticed the dejected, sad look on Alfred's face as he and Matthew walked to the dart board. "Matty! Matty!" The crowd cheered Matthew like a sports' hero, especially the lumberjacks._ _

__"Matty represent!" They gestured at their maple leaf shirts. "Win us more space."_ _

__"I'll try, eh?" Matty promised, violet eyes wide from all the positive attention and at having been chosen at all. Still he went straight to the barman judge to ask that his prize be more space for his Canadian comrades._ _

__Excellent. Good on Matty. Brows heartily approved, then also approved the opposing team's request that should they win, Luddy be required to take the rest of the day off, and the next morning. "To drink bier. Bier, Brohas!" Gilbird's human cackled and waved his stein some more._ _

__"Mmmmmmmmmf." Luddy groaned, yet nodded agreement._ _

__"Okay then. Let the games commence." The barman judge pressed a button on a nearby bear carving to make it growl, then Gilbird's human took his place at the throwing line while Gilbird perched on top of the board._ _

__A black dart was thrown, hard. Gilbird knocked it away from the target, hard. A black stick flag was placed on the floor where the dart landed, then the process was repeated._ _

__Ah, is that all. Brows thought, then noticed for the first time how weak Matty's wrists looked compared to the cackling human's wrists. I dare so, Matty's throws might be rather light. He surmised, then thought of how best to compensate. I've got it. He smirked, then readied himself on a nearby windowsill to wait for their turn. No sooner did he do that, however…_ _

__"Big brother cat!" Jump. "New snow game!" Jump. "Get out here and whack snow!" From outside Alfie Hero jumped and barked at the tavern window the same as he had the cabin window that morning._ _

__Oh, bother. Brows thought as he easily let himself outside and balanced on the snowy ledge. "I say, Skiver. This will have to be quick. I'm caught up in a game myself, you see."_ _

__"Just whack snow and watch me!" He woofed, tail wagging eagerly. Brows did just that, and as the snow rained down on him Alfie Hero flopped and slid on his belly to make contact with a bocce ball and send it skittering across a snow filled court. "See that? I made the ball roll when it kept getting stuck before!"_ _

__"Ah, I see." Brows said, but thought. I see snow is still horrid!_ _

__However, something about the violet tinged sky at that moment, combined with a view of the town's breathtaking snow capped forest in the distance gave Brows pause. Perhaps snow isn't so horrid after all. He amended. Or this place, or even...dare I say it? Alfred._ _

__Alfred. He closed his cat eyes at the memory of the American nutter's hurt expression. Well! The nutter was in dire need of humbling, same as a certain daft bird. Daft bird? Bugger! I'll miss my turn!_ _

__"I'm off, Skiver. Wars to wage. A daft bird to crush utterly." He whacked snow one last time before easily letting himself back in the tavern._ _

__Luckily he hadn't missed much. Gilbird's human was just completing his last hard throw which Gilbird whacked away just as hard. A final flag was placed, then Matty stepped to the line holding red darts._ _

__Yes. Do throw lightly. As weak as possible, if you please. Brows thought, while Gilbird and his human sneered at Matty's weak throwing stance._ _

__Then as hoped, Matty did throw the dart lightly. Limber Brows stretched his entire cat length to whack it away just as lightly. And with that the red dart glided, not soared, a considerable distance away from the board to far surpass the opposing team's efforts._ _

__"Whoa! Matty's got game!" The crowd whooped, while Gilbird screeched in protest at each subsequent winning throw._ _

__"Right, there you are bird." Brows gloated after the last red mini flag was laid and that round's victory was declared. "You and your human stand no chance. Best forfeit now before Matty and I thrash you further."_ _

__"Never, cat arschloch! Mein awesome human und I will win. Win! Next runde no more nice play. You see. We brechen your goon balls!"_ _

__Right. Charming. Brows thought, and resumed his place on Matty's shoulder so they could move on to the next play area._ _


	4. Chapter 4

Gilbird's Goon and Bocce Ball Games  
Stars and Bars Tavern

The second game was called Goon Ball. It involved a pool table, a cue and regular ball, hands, paws, or bird talons in place of sticks, and a dizzying 'keep ball in motion' objective Brows never quite got the hang of. Whenever Matty served a cue ball it hit the object ball so lightly, Brows hardly had a chance to whack the cue ball with his paw to hit the object ball before it stopped moving, and they received a dreaded chomp. (Bad point.)

In contrast, when Gilbird's human served the cue ball hard it sent the object ball in a rolling frenzy. Gilbird would then blitz the cue ball with his talons to send the object ball in a faster frenzy, then Brows and Matty would fail to hit the object ball themselves before it stopped moving, thus earning themselves more chomps. And so the thrashing continued until Brows actually felt relief when Gilbird and his human's victory was declared, though Matty looked horribly embarrassed. 

Chin up, Matty. From Matty's shoulder Brows purred Matty's chin and hair squiggle as Gilbird and human cackled over their victory. Then he heard it. Arthur's voice. 

"Brows. Matty. Good show. Cracking!" 

Arthur was seated by the entrance with expressionless Dr. Honda and pasta eating Feli. Alfred, however, was nowhere to be seen. 

Hmmm. Perhaps I went a bit too far humbling that nutter. Brows thought, and wondered how best to make it up to him. But there was hardly time for that, as he and Matty were soon led outside to the bocce ball court for their final Gilbird game. 

Snow, horrid snow. Was Brows' immediate thought once outside. But then he saw the same view he'd seen earlier, of a snow capped forest under a purple tinged sky. Then he saw the tavern patrons lounging on snow drifts as if the drifts were furniture. Then lastly he saw Alfie Hero flopping on bocce balls while Alfred whacked snow to rain on him as Brows had done, and it warmed his heart. 

Snow is...just snow. Brows realised, all thoughts of his former abandonment during a snowstorm being replaced by new memories and emotions. Warm memories and emotions, in fact, that made him feel at home despite the presence of snow. 

At home. His cat mind repeated the thought. At home whether outside or inside, in rain or in sun, and even in snow. At home, with an actual family. A family with actual flaws he would learn to love over time. Perhaps love even now? He wondered, then found himself bumping Matty's head as a temporary farewell before pouncing off his shoulder to land on the windowsill Alfred was currently whacking snow off to rain on Alfie Hero. 

Forgive my snubbing you, Alfred. Brows licked his hand, then purred it for good measure.

"Brows?" Alfred was amazed. "You're purring me for the first time since you've been home?" 

Home indeed. Brows thought, and purred Alfred's shoulder as well. Then he jumped on Alfred's shoulder to whack snow off a higher window ledge for Alfie Hero to flop around in. 

"Yeah! Yeah! I love snow, and you big brother cat! Whoo whoo whoo!" Alfie Hero flopped, barked, and whooped delightedly as bocce balls flew everywhere at his sliding impact. 

"As I love you, Skiver. And Alfred and Arthur as well." Brows meowed warmly, then a thought popped in his head once the balls were collected and Alfred and Alfie Hero joined the other spectators to watch the final Gilbird Games challenge. 

The Bocce Ball game involved Matty and Gilbird's human serving a ball called a pallino. They then rolled bocce balls which Brows and Gilbird whacked or blitzed respectively to get closer to the pallino, get the pallino closer to a ball, or whack opponent balls away from the pallino. 

Brows guessed the presence of snow would hinder Matty's lightly rolled balls, regardless of Brows' whacking them, from traveling far or having any impact. Whereas hard ball rollers Gilbird and his human would thrash their balls and the pallina mercilessly for the win. 

Unless I do something...Alfie Hero like. Brows recalled fondly the thought he'd had earlier while watching his snow obsessed dog brother. But can I actually bring myself to do it? He wondered, bristling his clean dry cat fur at the thought. Needs must. He decided, and braced himself for Matty's first throw. 

"Whoo whoo whoo, big brother cat! You're the best!" Alfie Hero barked support. Then miracle of miracles, Alfred followed suit. 

"Matty, bro. You rock! Sorry I didn't cheer you on earlier." 

Matty's violet eyes got wider than when he was cheered by patrons, and he grinned the biggest grin of his life. "Thanks, Allllls!" He cried out happily, then threw the ball harder than Brows expected. Still, it was light. 

Here goes. Brows winced, then flopped and slid in the snow the same as Alfie Hero to propel the ball long and fast enough to get it close to the pallina. It worked. The ball came exceedingly close. Then again, and again. Brows and Matty even managed to knock their opponents balls away at times, and the pallina closer to their balls once. 

Sadly however, despite Brows' best efforts, Gilbird and his human's play proved far too ruthless in the end, and Matty and Brows were sorely defeated. Though not so badly as patrons had originally expected. 

"Kesesesese. You ARE no treats earning loser. Cat arschloch!" Gilbird was quick to rub it in, though he did fly over to drop a salmon filled shot glass on Brows' head moments later. His human, meanwhile…

"Bier! Bier! You drink bier and take off work, Brohas!" That wild eyed, beer slinging human jumped on a picnic table to cackle to Luddy.

"Jawohl. I will." Luddy groaned, then accepted his first Gilbird poured beer with good grace. That is, until Alfred jumped on a picnic table as well. 

"Hey dude and dudettes! The Canadia-ans and Matty can get their prize too!"

"How?" The patrons, and especially the lumberjacks sounded hopeful. 

"Listen to me and my total hero voice! We all eat a ton of peanuts, cover the floor with the shells so the border's not visible, then pretend the Canadia-an side is bigger than it really is." 

"Yeah! Let's do it!" Everyone ran for the tavern to do just that, except Luddy who thundered. 

"Alfred! Kein katastrophe diet ist too fatty as well! No peanuts for you!" 

"Ah ah ah, Luddy! No work for you!" Alfred hooted, then joined the patrons in hooting; "Gillllllllbirrrrrrrd!" For Gilbird to pour Luddy more beer. Which Gilbird did, over and over, cackling all the while; "kesesesese!"


End file.
